Because sometimes writing/typing it out is better than keeping it in.

One of my biggest fears in life is dying. Not really dying, but of dying alone. To take it a step further, I would say that I am afraid of dying alone and then after death, that my life has been so meaningless that my absence, the loss of my presence, goes unnoticed.

As of today, I have been off work for one year, six months, and a week and even though I know that my medical situation has made that necessary, it doesn't help to calm my fears that my life is/has become so meaningless to not only myself, but to so many around me. At one time, I would have never guessed that if I were ever in the situation that I am in now, that some of the folks whom I regarded very highly, and whom I would like to think I carried through some of their darkest hours would not be there for me.

LORD, I thank you for all that you have given me, for the small circle of support, both family and a few friends, who still surround me. And I beg of you, LORD, please help me to find the meaning that my life once had or help me to redefine my new meaning.