Enough with the Black Hair Obsession; Focus on What Matters: GABBY WON!

I learned of Gabby Douglas’s win on Facebook. But just a few posts down, I also learned about the derogatory comments about her hair. Yes, her hair! What a shame. The first African American female to win Olympic gold in the all-round gymnastics competition gets attacked online for her hairstyle.

Really?

Maybe you have read the negative comments online or maybe you haven’t. Needless to say, some people have nothing better to do than to demean others on social media.

I consider Gabby Douglas to be a role-model for young girls everywhere. Not only is she a gold medalist, but she’s also a young woman of faith. I’m sure I was just one of millions of people who heard her say she meditates on scripture to calm her nerves. If that’s not enough, she’s articulate, poised, and gracious –always giving her teammates props and deflecting the spotlight off of herself. I can’t wait to see her biography in the children’s section of the bookstore one day. Gabby Douglass will be on the cover, and I will purchase it for my daughter.

I know we don’t know her personal life, but the positive image she has portrayed on television for an entire week, should be enough for us to stop obsessing over her hair and to start celebrating her accomplishments. It’s time for us to focus on what really matters.

What matters is that we see what commitment and discipline will get you in life.

What matters is that other black girls can see someone who looks like them on prime time television , namely someone who isn’t cursing, shaking her rear-end, or fighting in the streets.

What matters is that Gabby Douglass broke the color barrier in world class sport.

Those things matter, not hair.

Sadly, people complain about disgraceful reality television shows that perpetuate stereotypes and promote negativity. But, when the true reality of a beautiful and successful young black woman graces our television screens, instead of celebrating her, we judge her.

A part of me hopes that Gabby doesn’t read the comments. But even if she does, I don’t think they would phase her. She’s already proven that in the face of opposition (and competition), she’s secure in her faith and confident in her ability to beat the odds.

Congratulations Gabby. We are proud of you!!!

Source: Black and Married With Kids

7 Things I Want in My Marriage That My Parents Have After 48 Years

Last week I shared something on my Facebook page that amazed and inspired me. Something I hope all married couples get to experience. What is this that has me so amazed and inspired?  My parents’ 48th wedding anniversary!  Their marriage has accomplished what we all desire in marriage, by beating the odds and statistics of failed marriages.

It was a blessing to grow up under a marriage that would eventually last 48+ years.  As I thought about it, and was encouraged to share, I began to see some of the things that will help encourage me in my marriage, as well as other couples.

Just like my marriage and yours, my parents’ marriage was not without trials.  Over the years they experienced many challenges (besides raising kids like me that didn’t always listen, or do what they were supposed to do).  Through it all, there are many things in their marriage to be desired, and many things that younger couples can work toward.

This inspired my list of 7 Things I Want in My Marriage That My Parents Had.

Stability.  My parents live in the same house today, that I grew up in.  We moved into that house when I was 6 years old.  To my knowledge there was never any threat of us not living in that house together.  As a teenager, when I stayed out past my curfew, I knew I could and would go home to my family in that house.  When my siblings and I came home on break from college, we all knew where we’d stay.  Even today when my wife, and our 3 kids go to our hometown we never get a hotel room, because we know there is a place for us.  That stability creates a great foundation.

Traditions.  My wife and I are working to create family traditions in our family.  Things that we do on a regular basis that create memories and a family bond that lasts.  Our family tradition growing up was driving to New York every August right before the school year started.  We faithfully did that until I was the last child at home, and then it was done occasionally.  Yet, after I left home my parents began to do it by themselves annually until the drive got to be too much for them.  All of our marriages could benefit from creating traditions.

Growth.  I posted a “throwback” picture of my parents on the day of their anniversary.  I look at that picture and look at some of their recent pictures, and can only imagine how different they were.  I am sure my dad was a completely different man in that picture than the man he is today.  I am sure he and my mom have grown tremendously.  My wife and I are in that process right now.  Growth individually and growth in marriage are a great thing.

Common interests.  My parents have known each other since they were kids.  They share some similar interests, but I’m sure they have differing interests as well.  Yet, they do many of these things together.  My dad, much like me, is crazy about sports.  He is also crazy about politics, unlike me.  I’m not sure if my mom has always been interested in those topics.  But if I call right now both of them are probably watching one of two things: sports or politics!  Maybe that developed over time, but having common interests is something to desire in our marriages today.

Memories.  Take a trip down to my parents basement and you’d think you are in a mini-museum.  Filled with pictures, artifacts, trinkets, music, and more, you will definitely be taking a trip down memory lane.  I am just now truly appreciating all of the things they have down there.  Many of the things that they have bring back feelings and thoughts of those experiences.  They didn’t even have the technology available to us today to capture every memory, but they caught a lot.  I pray that we are able to capture as many memories, not just of our kids, but of our marriage as well.  They are priceless to us, our kids, and will be for our grandkids as well.

Longevity.  As I said above, they have beat the odds.  Their marriage has stood the test of time, and it has overcome many challenges.  There is something special about being in relation with someone for that many years.  It speaks for itself.  It shows that at some point, or points, both people have sacrificed something for the other and have loved and respected one another.  All of us should strive for that, and reject any thought, words, or advice to end our marriages prematurely.  If it is broke, fix it, don’t throw it away.

“BFF”.  Although they may be hard pressed to admit it, they are both each other’s best friend forever!  :)  Yes, they disagree.  Yes, they fuss.  Yes, they watch TV in different rooms sometimes! LOL  But I believe at the end of the day, there is no one else they’d like to continue this marriage journey with.  For younger couples this may be a difficult concept to grasp, but it is a lesson that they should learn. When you and your spouse are BFFs, your marriage becomes even more wonderful. Whether we are at that point or not, we should strive to get there and remain there.

Every one of our marriages has it’s challenges.  Just as well, every one of our marriages can stand the test of time, and be enjoyable, fruitful, and worth everything!  I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and go over this list. Work on getting these 7 things in your marriage today, so when 48 years comes around you will have something great, that is beneficial to all those who have witnessed it.

Source: Jackie Bledsoe, Black and Married With Kids

Brown Babies Need Sunscreen Too!

Because of my daughter’s small size, my sister nicknamed her Bean.  When she pulls the laundry—that took an hour to fold—out of the basket, I call her a Bad Bean.  When she hits her cousin’s in the face, I tell her not to be a Mean Bean.  And when she eats all of her vegetables, she’s a Green Bean.  One name I never want to use is Baked Bean.  Now that the temperature is rising, I must ensure she’s protected from the sun’s harmful rays.

When I lived in the Cayman Islands, sunscreen became a part of my morning ritual.  People slathered on SPF as soon as their babies came out of the womb.  Maybe Bob Marley had something to do with that.  The musical icon died at the age of 36 from a melanoma that started under his toenail.   I took his memory with me and returned to the United States, where I saw many African Americans skipping sunscreen.  I caught up with the leading pediatric dermatologist Patricia Treadwell to find out why brown babies need sunscreen too.

Heather: Although ethnic groups are less likely to get skin cancer, they’re more likely to die from it.  Many African Americans don’t diagnose the disease until the advanced stages.  Why is that so?

Dr. Treadwell: African Americans tend to think that they don’t get skin cancer, so they don’t do the same surveillance of moles as their White counterparts.  You must be aware of what melanoma looks like and learn the ABCDE warning signs.

Heather: According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, melanin in African American skin provides a sun protection factor (SPF) of about 13.4, compared to 3.4 in Caucasian skin.  Is that enough?

Dr. Treadwell: The SPF should be at least 15.  I recommend choosing a “physical” or “chemical-free” sunscreen made with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide.  These ingredients sit on top of the skin, forming a barrier and protecting as soon as you put them on.

Heather: Some sunscreens cause breakouts.  Are there other options?

Dr. Treadwell: Some lotions clog pores and create more oil on an already oily prone skin.  In this case, you should select a facial sunscreen, which is much lighter. Also, if you have light or dark spots on your face, sunscreen helps even out your skin tone.

Heather: What sunscreen regimens are other minority moms using?

Monique Johnson of Brooklyn, New York:  I follow the EWGs annual rating system.  Problem is—most of the best sunscreens make brown folks look purple or white.  I’ve tried tons and fell in love with All Terrain Aquasport.  Skin color stays the same, and it even offers a nice level of moisture. So far, my daughter’s sunburn-free.

Vee Elliot of Atlanta, Georgia: I use sunscreen on my precious cargo wherever we go, even if it’s the backyard.  We must teach our little ones to protect their skin like we remind them to brush their teeth.

Maisia Jackson of Middletown, Delaware: I always check the labels for parabens.  I wouldn’t want to apply a cancer-causing agent to my children’s skin when I am trying to prevent them from getting it!

By 2050, the U.S. Census Bureau projects that half of our country’s population will be made up of Hispanics, Asians and African Americans.  Now, more than ever, it is crucial to raise awareness about skin cancer in people of color.

Source: BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com

Sometimes the Best Thing You Can Do Is Shut Up

What’s the first thing most of us wives want to do when our husbands come home from a long day at work? We want to tell him about our stressful day at work, we want him to discipline the kids for some embarrassing antic they pulled in Wal-Mart that afternoon, we ask him to take the trash out or even “nag” him about something he didn’t do- like he promised.

That’s right many of us wives are guilty of always having something to say whenever our husband “steps foot” across the threshold. It doesn’t matter if our mates are tired, frustrated or irritated from their jobs–we make it a point to get whatever glacier is on our chest off.

For the past 5 years of marriage (and 7 years of dating) I did this on a daily basis. It didn’t matter the day, time or hour I was notorious for unloading on my husband as soon as he came in from work. Usually it would be something minor but sometimes it was about major issues that came up in our family. I felt like it was his job to fix whatever problem was going on.

I did this until a year ago I learned an important lesson about communication. I learned to shut up sometimes and that silence is sometimes truly golden in a relationship.

Let me give you the story about what changed my thinking. About a year ago I had a particularly bad day at work. My boss was on me about a project I needed to finish, the kids were awful on the way home and I had just gotten a call from my eldest son’s school.

I was so stressed out that I remember pulling over just to collect my thoughts. The only solace that I had was that this was my husband’s “off day” and that as soon as I got home I’d get some peace. I was wrong. As soon as I walked in the door, I was immediately bombarded with a million problems, questions and issues–all from my husband. I had forgotten to take out some meat to cook for dinner. The washing machine was not working properly. Our neighbor had came over to let us know some strange men had been parked outside our house a couple of days ago. My mom called complaining that she hadn’t heard from me in a couple of days. All of these problems needed my attention–immediately. No one took in consideration that I had had a crappy day–no everyone needed me.

Now keep in mind I had barely gotten into the house, the kids were still in the kitchen taking off their school shoes, I still had my coat on and my phone was ringing. I had literally walked into a firestorm. From that point on I had a horrible evening. Not only was I trying to “put out” all the various fires, but my family was putting on the pressure for me to pay attention to them. Needless to say, I was stressed.

When I went to bed that night I realized something–I had just got a taste of my own medicine. Unknowingly to me, I had did this to my husband for years. Despite him working long days at a high demand job in a stressful environment, I would pile all of our problems on him as soon as he walked in the door. Who wants to come home to a mountain of problems after working in a stressful environment? No one does, especially our husbands.

The next day I decided to do something different. I decided to keep my mouth shut when my husband came home. I promised that specifically for an hour (after work) I’d leave him alone to gather his thoughts before I’d ask him to do anything or bombard him with problems.

The test came when he got home at 6pm and the day was just as hectic as before. As he opened the door, I braced myself to simply give him a hug and KEEP my mouth shut. It was hard but I kept remembering how it felt the previous day and I managed to be quiet. As he rested, I made sure to get his plate ready, I put the kids in their playroom and had shelved my hundred of issues for later that evening.

At first I think he thought I was having a mental breakdown because after an hour he came in and asked if I needed anything. Then, I let him know what had went on that day. He couldn’t solve/handle everything but he seemed much more willing to try instead of escaping to the couch for some peace.

Needless to say we all were less stressed that night and instead of getting into an argument about something petty we went to bed relaxed–and happy. From that point on, we both agreed that one of the biggest communication rules we can have in our relationship is to SHUT OUR MOUTH once in a while and give one another peace.

Source: BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com